"When we get married," she asks, "can we make pancakes together."
"No," he states. A frown crosses her lips. He continues, "I'm going to wake up really early and make the pancakes, then bring them to you. I'll set them on the side table and I'll lay next to you on the bed, naked. And you can choose which one you want."

What am I aiming for?
What do I believe in?
To become "someone", to make something of oneself, so that others may remember you and you may impact someone else's life... What's the point?
I mean, is it going to mean anything after you're dead?
If you were rich and famous, or a frequent customer of the soup kitchen
Will we remember anything?
I'm trying to see a point in the world, in all of our struggles.
It seems that the point is : Live life. To its fullest extent, because it may be your only chance.
But what if you won't remember this chance you had?
For example : let's say you live life to the fullest, you go skydiving and feed starving children in africa, etc etc etc... What if you lose all of this memory? Does it still matter to you what you did if you don't know what you did? Will it affect the afterlife?
What is the point in living but to die the same as everyone else?
Is it to be better than the person beside you?
To achieve a higher, eternal purpose?
To save the world and create immortality?
On a larger scale : What is the point in humanity? What should humanity be aiming for as a whole?...


I feel as if I should be aiming for something, trying to achieve a certain goal. But I have no idea what it is.
And to make matters worse, I still have no idea what my spiritual beliefs are. Maybe, until then, I will be
Lost.

Mother
I hate it when my mother comes home in a mood. She suddenly turns into the Wicked Bitch of the West, yelling at us for not doing anything because SHE has been SOOOOO busy today, running errands and doing Everything for us... Today, her activities consisted of volunteering at the Humane Society and at a Breast Cancer function. I'm not denoting her actions and her choice to volunteer, or these organizations; i just find it ridiculous that she says we're not doing anything for the house and home when, technically, neither is she. I'm at school, graduating soon, studying for AP exams and whatnot, stressed out beyond belief. Dad has a job - a hands-on, physical job - and comes home to plant the flowers mom decided to buy and clean up. Kylie is in middle school, she usually comes home and cleans up around the house, does whatever chore dad asks her to do. Mom? Yeah, she has a job. Yeah, she has stress - just like the rest of us. But she brings this stress upon herself. Spending more time and money on other expedentures, then complaining that I'M never home, that we don't have enough money, I can't go to a private college because we're BROKE... Sometimes I just wish she could step back and listen to what she's saying and the amount of sense it makes... I'm so scared I'm going to grow up to be exactly the same way. I'm making a resolution right now to not be so uptight or to stretch myself to near breaking point. I want to be creative and outgoing, enjoy and have fun with life.

School/Fashion&Beauty
Seniors got their yearbooks today. I looked through mine, alone in my room, and realized for the first time, that my high school career isn't exactly what I wish it had been. I don't feel beautiful, looking at the pictures of the popular bitches and hoes of the cheerleading squad. This is the first time I've ever felt inferior, seperated by high school hierarchy. I want to be remembered, as a fun/funky, outgoing, personable individual - which reiterates the above resolution. Also, I want to look my best. I don't have to be THE best, but I need to put more effort into my self-confidence; I must rely on myself for this, not others. I want to build myself into a confident young woman, stylish, fun and outgoing, before I enter college (if possible).



So, several goals have been established and I hope I can accomplish them.
Also, hopefully Flagler will send Financial Aid information back soon so I can determine whether or not I can afford to go there.